Monday, December 30, 2013

Living with Blind Faith

Having an 8 almost 9 month old baby brother who (as far as we know) is completely blind has been bringing new revelations to my life. I feel as though I am learning so much about myself and the world around me through this little boy.

I am learning that I live too much by sight.

When waking up in the morning, I look at my clock to tell me what time it is. I go downstairs and look to see if my mom is there. I look outside to see if the bus is there before leaving my door.

I look before leaping.

In these few examples I have come to the conclusion that I primarily live by sight.

My brother has to (and will have to more as he grows older) reply on someone to dress him. He has to rely on someone to tell him what he is having for dinner. He will need to rely on voices to tell people apart. He will have to memorize the smells and feels of the earth to determine differences of experiences.

My little brother will be at the hands of strangers to lead him to where he had to go through life if he gets lost. He may have a seeing eye dog who will literally lead him through life. He will read with his hands. He may have friends that could take advantage of him. He will rely on my parents and my siblings to teach him about the world and everything in it. He will live by faith.

I see few reasons that he will have an overly difficult time believing in a God he cannot see.
He will be living in a WORLD he cannot see... What is the difference? 

So many times in life I say I want to live in faith. I say things about how I wish I could wake up and trust in the lord to guide my day, but I only do until things get hard and I have doubts. Don't we all? We want to believe in something that sounds ridiculous but then we think through life. We look at the hurt around is. We see the pain and suffering. We see the blind man on the side of the road who has no home. We look at the girl on the corner and know she has no where to go. We look at the hurricanes and destruction in the world and wonder why that could happen.

I look at my little brother and wonder why God would do something so "horrible" to such a beautiful creation. I get angry and wonder why God made his life so difficult taking away one simple sense. I feel as though he crippled Victor with such a simple disability. I look into the future and wonder how he will live on his own.

But then Victor starts laughing (as he so often does). He will smile when he hears my mom's voice. I watch him literally reach out his little hands to feel my hair once he hears me talking. I see him turn toward my dad singing. I watch the wheels turning in his head when we place his hand on my dad's guitar and he feels the music. 

What a smart boy...

I see how blessed this boy is. He knows nothing different than having no sight and he is happy. He is joyful. I don't know if I have ever seen such a happy baby.

I really understand how much Victor has it made.

He will be able to truly live by faith in a way I will never be able to.

I will never have his faith. 
I wasn't born with the gift to feel and hear to his ability.
I wasn't born with the simple trust that he has.
I don't have the opportunity to teach my family so much about faith as an 8 month old baby.

Who really is the disabled child?

- By Mariana Christine